(For example, tell where your great-great-grandparents lived to give the other person a starting point. If the match doesn’t show the common ancestors, give a general idea of where your research is. Introduce yourself, tell the estimated relationship, and the name of the common ancestors (if shown). Let’s talk” doesn’t instill a lot of enthusiasm to respond. What message did you send to your match? A message like “Hi! We’re genetic cousins. (Believe it or not, not everyone goes on Ancestry or MyHeritage every day!) Your Message Didn't Say Enough And, yes, it is possible that they haven’t been on the site for awhile. They might also not have noticed the icon that shows they have a message. It’s possible that your match didn’t receive the message.
Your Match Didn't Get the MessageĪncestry’s messaging system has been known to have its quirks. You can watch my interview with Blaine here. “Distant cousin” doesn’t excite everyone, especially if you don’t give any clues in your message how you think you might be related.īlaine Bettinger, the Genetic Genealogist, shared his systematic strategy for contacting matches. You can watch our interview here.Īnd if you think that these surprises don't change anything, listen to the experience Jenny Hawran had when her DNA matches revealed that her Dad wasn't her biological father. She has excellent advice on proceeding ethically with contacting our matches, especially when there is a surprise. Judy Russell is not only the Legal Genealogist -she's also very interested in genetic genealogy. If testing shows a relationship that your match doesn’t think is possible - what do you mean Grandpa had a family before marrying Grandma?! - they might not want to deal with it right now.
They might need some time to work up to responding. Making contact with members of a birth family is really big deal. If your estimated relationship is 3rd cousin, but they don’t know who their parents are, they may not see the point in communicating.Įven if your relationship is closer, they may not be ready to communicate. This doesn’t mean that all adoptees want to respond to every genetic match they get. DNA has reunited countless adoptees with birth families.